In the Spirit of Thanksgiving: My top 10 thanks to the opposite sex

Now, Ti's the season to be grateful and although most of my readers are 20-something femmes, I do have a few scattered male readers who fear I will base my next post on them. In order to show them gratitude for not landing in my ranting stream, I shall recount the top 10 Thank Yous in no particular order and directed to no one in particular except those boys I know who deserve the praise.

10. Thank you for being completely honest about my hair color/outfit/boy I'm digging even when I clearly know you are wrong. Being willing to speak your mind to your female friends is a daunting task especially when they are clearly beginning to look like they resort to highlighters to color their hair.

9. Thank you for wearing delicious smelling cologne when in small spaces with females and people in general. ( There are exceptions to this) There is nothing better than to smell Jean Paul Gautier while traveling to the 2nd level of the Parking Garage.

8. Thanks for coming back with witty, funny remarks instead of cheesy and pathetic pick-up lines. That is so 1995 . I may be speaking for myself when I say this but, "U and I shouldn't be rearranged in the alphabet", they are fine where they are.

7. Thank you for wearing clothes that fit your body. Showing your toned arms is one thing, Showing your Hanes Boxers is just plain dumb. This is NOT a Kriss Kross music video and you are neither Kid nor Play. The happy median between leggings and parachute pants is a pair of well structured straight legged pants. Gap and Banana Republic are your friends, so please take note.

6. Thanks for allowing us girls to pay for ourselves and sometimes you as well. Any friendship is a partnership. You scratch our back, we scratch yours; You take us to dinner, we leave the tip.

5. Thanks for not making fun of us when we sing off key on Rock Band. Although we'd rather you laugh at us to our faces instead of making the suppressed smirk look.

4. Thank you for well-groomed facial hair and hygiene. Over plucked eyebrows are a no-no but nicely trimmed beards and teeth that don't look like you store corn kernels in your mouth is greatly appreciated and acknowledged

3. Special Thanks to the few who are good fathers. As the wise John Mayer says, "Fathers be good to your Daughters, Daughters will love like you do". Thanks for breaking the cycle of fathers not being involved in their children's lives.

2. Thanks for not taking yourselves too serious around us ladies, being too uptight is never fun. Humor is the way to a girl's heart, ask anyone.

1.Thanks for being a true representation of gentlemen.

As I said before there are a lot of guys who deserve to hear this so this goes out to you guys. We, ladies, appreciate your genuine wonderful traits and during this time of Thanksgiving offer up our compliments.

Happy Thanksgiving, don't over eat!

xoxo

-s

Don't go Changing.. to try and please me

Before you begin reading, press play. Think of it as a soundtrack..

Now we all know that one ( or more) girl who morphs into the person her loved one wants her to be when she's in a relationship. "My boyfriend doesn't want me to cut my hair, he likes it long" or " I wear more dresses because my husband prefers me in them" I understand that you should try your best to please your partner and looking pretty for them is important but, ladies. . . you should do what makes you feel happy. I'm not trying to propose that you do everything opposite of your partner's wishes and thus ruin the relationship but, why change everything about yourself in order to please someone? Shouldn't they love you " just the way you are"? If that means cutting off your waist length hair or wearing jeans more than dresses, its totally normal. I can honestly testify that every time I've experimented with my hair ( and that is a lot of times!) I have never consulted anyone but myself. In the end, you are the one wearing the hair/clothes/weight not the other person. Take control of your own life, your partner should be there to encourage and enrich your life not tell you who to be.

xox-S

The Case of the disappearing man...

The story you are about to hear is something that perhaps you yourself have experienced. If not, you may know of someone who has. Either way be prepared to enter. . . (cue music) The Twighlight Zone

The first time I experienced a phenomenon like this was back in late 2002. While working at an outlet mall clothing store, I was approached by a handsome customer and we exchanged numbers. At the time I was a teen and over the course of the following 5 months I fell head over heels for the guy who was 19, lived on his own and had a car, I really thought I was a lucky girl.

then it happened

Merely a week before my Senior Prom, tickets and dress bought, I received a mid afternoon call from my boyfriend whom we'll call " Ross", he was just getting out of work and promised to return my call later that night. Two hours, three hours, Four hours went by and still no call back from my boy. My impatience grew and the following day I called his cellphone and alas, disconnected!

Fast forward to the present year, I am speaking with a girlfriend and she begins to tell me about an amazing boy she met at the pool in her gym. For several weeks they shared a passionate connection and then all the sudden he moves Downtown and POOF! disappeared.

Has this happened to you or someone you know?

Bar games 101

This one's a keeper, on my nifty iGoogle application today I came to a link entitled 5 ways to get a girl to buy you a drink.

I must admit, the concept is genius and although I have not heard or witnessed it myself, I can't help but think how many of us ladies have actually bought a guy a drink at the bar? Here's a quick recap incase you can't click the link yourselves and ways for us as the ladies to avoid the sneaky methods.

Tell a story where a different woman bought you a drink. Of course, you can’t say, "So I was in this bar and this woman bought me a drink" and then smirk like an idiot

Ladies this is your chance to answer with a quick witted remark, " That's funny you say that, when I go to bars, guys buy me drinks too"

Follow up with a challenge, laced with presuppositions: "I doubt if when you buy me a drink it'll be that exciting but I'm sure that with a little creativity we can think of something..." If you look closely, this is a sentence made up of presuppositions. A presupposition is a statement where you assume that the person is going to do something.

Oh girls, nothing more fun than bruising a boy's ego with a little competition.. remind him you are smarter than his games, " how about you buy me a drink and i'll buy you one.. think of it as a supply and demand"

Assume her generosity. If a girl happens to say something like, “Do you want to go get a drink?” or “Let’s go get drinks” say: “Yeah! That sounds great, I’ll take a jack and coke” or whatever drink you want. If you say this with conviction as if you really mistook her meaning, it'll probably work, because most people won't say "No, I meant YOU buy" or "Give me the cash for it." If it doesn't work, fall back on "You get the first round and I’ll get the second." You'll end up paying for the next round but hey, you still got her to treat, rather than you buying everything.

Okay ladies, it's getting down to the nitty gritty here, A) this guy is lame and B) release him back to the ocean gently

Play the 5 questions game. This is a common game played by pick up artists, but there is no reason you cannot use it to just have fun.

do the fake giggle and then say, " listen, it was great meeting you but I have to go to the restroom, thanks again for the convo"
Truth is, a guy who plays pick up games is not one you want to date, or marry even. Sure, his sense of humor is there but you can laugh at funny stories or his quips without the blatantly cheesy pickup attempts.

so, next time you're out and a guy tries these tricks you'll be armed ;)

xox- S

Multitaskamist blog

Hey readers, I have begun a second blog site entitled, The Multitaskamist. It will be perfect to share with your guys and girls alike and I am kicking off the blog with a HUGE challenge.. go now to check it out and stay tuned to both here and the new blog.

Thanks for being faithful
xox-S

Julie& Julia: A blogger's version of 300

Okay, so I have to admit I may be exaggerating just a little but, truth be told, film Julie&Julia
truly inspired me to continue my journey and dreams to one day be nationally published. Julie Powell, the writer whose blog inpired the film was just your average 9-5er workin for the weekends with dreams of writing a book. With a "deranged assignment" as Powell puts it, she vows to blog and cook 365 days and all 542 recipes of Julia Child's cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking.

I loved the movie's realistic view of blogging and the power of commitment. There are days (sometimes weeks!) that I do not want to blog. Mondays through Fridays in my cubicle, I dream about making a difference the lives of readers worldwide with my droll humor. Imagining my future like a Middle Schooler imagines their life as a married mom with a huge Barbie mansion. Julie Powell taught me the importance of dedication to her readers, commitment even when you don't feel like writing and that being a writer requires patience and a little insanity.

So, stay tuned for the blog series I have been brewing for about a week. This is my next step in following Julie Powell and millions of other amazing bloggers across the internet.

Thanks for actually reading and I am so excited and empowered more than ever
xox
-s

They say girls love the bad boys and for the most part of my dating career it has rang true. In Elementary school I liked the boys who were mean to me, as long as they had a nice smile, and even up until my last long term relationship my craving for a "bad boy" continued. As I age, however ( gracefully might I add) My cravings have started shifting from bad boys to witty intelects with emphasis on the witty. Blame The Office' Jim Harper, Arrested Development, Paul Rudd movies, and Jason Mraz for turning me onto the funny, not totally gorgeous guys. I mean if the smile is there so am I.

What "type" of guy do you crave? The mysterious, devishly handsome bad boy that gives your heart a wild ride or the stable bookwormish funny nerd that quotes Dwight from the Office?

The good, the bad and the glad-I-didn't- get set-up- with-that-guy!

After a short 9 month dating and engagement period, one of my girlfriends tied the knot this past August 2nd. The night of the bachelorette party ended with a co-ed rendezvous at a Karaoke club in Universal's City Walk. So, it was this fateful night that I was to meet my very own betrothed

Usually you hear this kind of plot in episodes of Seinfeld or Friends but, of course, it has to happen to me. Yet again confirming that my life plays out like a sit-com no matter how much I try to avoid it. So it wasn't any surprise to me to realize that "the friend" was not my type at all which brings me to write this warm hearted letter to all those helpful friends:

Dearest coupled friend/older co-worker/mom, aunt, grandma/pastor:

I really do appreciate you trying to introduce me to any man that isn't wearing a wedding ring (and some that already are!) and I can see where you would want an amazingly hot Latina like myself to bless the lives of those men with my wit, enthusiasm and all around great personality . . . however, I really don't think your taste and my taste are exactly similar (read: completely opposite)
I know your idea of a handsome, strapping young man is a person with little or no unibrow, dog breath and with a place to stay ( even though it's mom and dad's place). My idea of a mate,on the other hand is taller than me, great smile and sense of humor. Arrogant, narrow-minded and socially awkward are not exactly how I picture my husband.
so, my dearest friend, grandma, aunt, co-worker, I am aware of your good intentions but, from now on let's hope things will bloom between myself and one of your friends naturally. Inviting both of us over at the same event and allowing us to spark on our own is one thing but, sending the guy pictures of my Facebook is not.

Thank you so so so much for thinking of me and again I appreciate it

xoxo
Shelly

Until next time.. xox -S

Return after a long pause. . .

It is my horrible fault that I have left you readers without updated blogs for a ridiculous amount of time ( since March!) I have been a little busy with life and everytime an amazing topic came to mind, I was either too tired, busy or lazy to actually write it. However, that time has ended.

In the following series of blogs I will catch you up to the very latest ( think of it as a life DVR). Topics to follow will include:

The fix up that thankfully did NOT occur
How fast is too fast?
and an interactive piece entitled, "First date horrors" where you guys will share your worst date experiences.

Stay tuned because I am back and ready

I'll be your girl for all seasons...

I am starting to think my dating runs with the 4 seasons. It all started last summer (2008) with my summer fling extravaganza, which included 4 constant daters but, as the summer's heat simmered out to autumn's cool breeze so did my flings and the fall was spent plummeting like the stock market. However, when the holidays arrived, I got a few early christmas flings but they didn't make it to ring in the New Year.

That leads to 2009 which kick started with a candidate which I thought had potential but, has crashed head first into the  "just friends" wall. With each new blossoming  friendlationship I have attempted a new way to go about dating and this past fling was no different. But even after making more guarded decisions, as the Spring time bloomed, our relationship which was frozen at the "friendzone" melted to nothing. 

So it's spring time.. I am still trying to decide if I should be excited to see what Spring blooms or if I want to save up for a guy for all seasons. . . 

Do the benefits include health insurance?

" It's complicated" has to be the best relationship status option for Facebook. It can mean that maybe you are past the stage where you only see each other in groups but haven't gotten to the point where he/she is automatically your +1 at events. It could also be the ex boyfriend that you can't seem to end things with for the sake of the comfort he soothes your lonely soul. Whatever it is, " It's complicated" seems to remedy that question in the Facebook world.

So why does it not work in real life? Talking to a friend the other day brought up the question " Why can't people believe that two people of the opposite sex can be 'just friends'?"

The answer can be taken from the wise tale of When Harry met Sally starring the ever present romantic comedy star, Meg Ryan opposite funnyman Billy Crystal. The story line centers around two friends who meet and have an on again off again friendship before realizing they love each other. The predictable Hollywood story, however, is not too far from reality ( with the exception that they end up happily ever after).

Truth is that men and women can only be friends if two things are in play: A) there is NO attraction whatsoever (hard to decipher), B) The person is gay. Other than those two exceptions there is no platonic friendships between sexes because at one point, in one way or another someone will catch feelings.

In my case a short lived kindergarten crush with someone whom I thought would lead to a relationship crashed head first into the friend zone wall. Forget the fact that we talked on the phone very often and spent some time together. It was obvious that he wanted the famous title of "Friends with benefits" and that is not happening. Unless these benefits include health insurance, a company car and frequent flyer miles I'll pass. I'd rather be single with no prospects than stuck in a make believe relationship for the convenience of Mr. Benefits.

So to answer his question, the reason people can't believe that two sexes can be platonic friends is because in millions of cases we've fallen for the person who doesn't see us the same way, and as much as we try justifying it the truth still stands straight up in front of us, making sure we know that "just friends" translates to "He's just not that into you".

well, guess it's back to the cheese hunt

xox-S

Gourmet Cheese, Please!

Let's face it , dating is the most complicated rat maze ever. Leaves us wondering what is around the corner and whether we will end up with a processed piece of government cheese or a delicate piece of french Brie cheese or some delicious Gouda cheese.

Obviously, the better choice is a perfectly aged slice of gouda cheese, maybe some crackers and a glass of merlot so then, why are we settling for greasy processed cheese?!

One word can sum up the reason we are not enjoying in the gourmet cheese: Dealbreakers.

We, as daters, need a mental list of dealbreakers that separate the keepers from the others. A set of standards that are acheivable but not too lofty ( there's a very slim chance you will find a hot, rich, successful, sweet, romantic, loyal ,puppy loving, chick flick watching, shoe shopping afficionato unless he's gay). When making your mental note which you will file under " EXTREMELY IMPORTANT" do a self assessment of what matters to you most:

Are you a family-oriented person ? Do you want financial stability? Do you mind if he smokes?

Keep those standards close to your heart and don't let anything come close to making an exception. It may seem okay when you are falling head over heels with a guy that is amazing in every way except for his growing bank debt. In the end, those minor details you try to overlook will come back in a major way.

I challenge you to make a mental list and stick to it, watch how the way you select your "job applicants" changes and how the quality of the guys go up a knotch.

Keep searching for that cheese and hope its gourmet!

Sharing is caring?!...

A recent study showed that 60% of all married men cheat on their wives... which means out of my 10 friends married/engaged, 6 of their men will cheat on them..

boy, how encouraging, right?...

2009 has sparked a sociological alter ego in me. One who is entrigued by the styles of attraction of others. And boy, have I found some nutty cases.

Take my two girlfriends; both of which are having affairs with married men, both who are single and very qualified for her very own loving relationship.

The evolution of the mistress who often " was unaware her man was married" is now becoming the mistress who clearly knows the strip of pale skin on her beau's ring finger is not just "some birth mark" and goes out of her way to nab him with the hopes that he will " leave his wife" for her.

Think again. Doesn't it make sense that if he is already cheating on his significant other with you, he will play you the same deck of cards? And further more, will he EVER leave his wife? and what makes you think it'll be for you?

Lust and seduction are as enticing as the sweet smell of cinnamon that lingers from the Cinabon at the mall's food court. But, just like cinnamon buns, they have one thing in common.. ASS.

Pardon my vulgar term but, there's no other way to explain. You indulge in this sweet, forbidden dessert dripping in icing ( no pun, intended!) and then two weeks later you realize it.... your ass is the size of a mobile home! the same thing goes with lust and seduction. You indulge in the forbidden chase of catching that married man who tells you he's "having problems with his wife" and after months pass and he's still with her and you are still the booty call you realize it.... ASS.

Let's face it ladies ( and gentlemen) your married lover is already off limits. That parking space is already taken and even if you try rear-ending the car already in the space, you will not get your car in. You'll just end up with a crashed hood, a massive deductible payment and higher insurance premiums.

I know I may not be the Dr. Phil of dating but, I know common sense when I see it and there is no need for romantic comedy movies, self-help books or pop songs to clarify it anymore- Affairs with married men are a bad choice. As horrible as his current wife maybe, she is still his wife and until that is completely changed, there is still time and history invested in that.

Bikini season is right around the corner so next time you get tempted to.. eat that cinnamon bun.. remember how it goes to your ASS

xoxo -S

He loves me, he loves me not

Being a woman is tough work.

We've heard this time and time again; in movies, from our mothers and in the feminist empowerment section of our local Barnes and Noble.

We were given an amazing array of gifts from our Creator ranging from our perfectly timed week of hell ( also known as mensturation), the ability to push out a watermelon-sized human head from a quarter-sized elastic hole and of course, the most complex and over analytical dating style.

And so the story goes: Boy meets girl, girl likes boy's smile and says flirty comments to gain boy's attention. Boy returns the flirting and smiles back. Girl mentally begins analyzation if the full toothed smile means he's into her, or maybe a " I am really just a ladies man and I know it" smile. The analyzing begins.

It seeps into our every thoughts and clouds every interaction with that person, assuming the way he blinks secretly means some message we are missing out on. A message we all long for... that he is picturing your lives together as much as you are.

So.. when the signals are as varied as a bowl of chex mix at a house party, how can we analyze the next move to make? Do we give up on the concept that we can find every answer to our questions on our own? or do we take the stand of the man and let him do the dirty work for once. For him to start the guessing game, to wonder if we are into them?

As a current fighter in the battle of dating confusion, I could use all the amo possible.. post your comments below..

Previously on Single in the Suburbs...

No need to fear that I have joined a convent, admitted myself in a mental asylum or worse- gotten married ! I have been M.I.A but, with good reason.

There will be many more blogs to come from this point on. I will try not to fail you guys again so stay tuned; I have a lot of ground to cover and fun stories to share!

An ode to a great song for Single Ladies

This month's "Dating myself" series has brought a lot of questions ( primarily from the male readers) about why I've committed to this, and at times some teasing about how my "relationship" is going with myself. Is it so hard to understand that committing 30 days to yourself is not that big of a deal?

Our pop music often pollutes the concept of being Single making it seem like we are single not by choice but rather in some desperate state where we are trying to get a companion. News Flash: Some of us ( namely, me) are single by choice and enjoy it for the time being. I am not completely against relationships but, as you have read, my life is quite busy already to be adding someone else's burdens to the mix. Therefore, my all time favorite single girl's anthem is Single by Natasha Bedingfield.

Her clever lyrics, about being single shed a new light to most single lady songs. It is not too feminist, man-hating but rather just letting others know the status doesn't mean we are A) Lesbians, B) Desperate for a man or C) not capable of having a healthy relationship. My favorite line in the song is :

Everything in it's right time everything in it's right place
I know I'll settle down one day
But 'til then I like it this way it's my way

I hope that readers understand the reason behind the Dating Myself series and in the end get inspired to do a self analyzation on themselves as well.

Sometimes only chocolate does the trick!

EMBARASSING MOMENT ALERT!

Okay, not so much about being single but defiintely about life.
Today at work, I decided to continue my effort in losing weight by bringing a Fillet of Tilapia and fresh veggies in the new Gladware steam bags and heat them up at the office. I've done it before and it is perfectly healthy and easy to make. So, naturally around noon I go the breakroom with my fave co-worker to enjoy our lunch and gossip as usual and pop my tilapia in the microwave for steaming. Little did I know that I had left the ziploc closure of the bag slightly opened while it steamed. Less than a minute later My co-worker and I were gasping for air in the breakroom that now smelled like a fish market.

I opened up the doors to air out the smell and in turn consumed the entire station with Eau D' Nemo perfume! and if my face weren't red already, some of my coworkers for the Radio division of my company came in to the breakroom to investigate " what died in here?!"

Oh the Horror! I took the last 30 minutes of my break to the CVS drugstore in an attempt to leave the crimescene until the smell had subsided. I picked up my only form of peace in this tragedy, Hersey's Dark Chocolate and took a sigh of relief. Upon my return, the smell was almost gone but my stench of embarassment still lingers on..

IS THIS HOW I WILL END UP??!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28618163?GT1=43001

Would-be bride, 107, seeks her first husband
Too afraid to wed when young, Chinese woman fears she's a 'burden' to kin

BEIJING - A 107-year-old Chinese woman who was afraid to marry when she was young has decided to look for her first husband and hopes to find a fellow centenarian so they will have something to talk about, a Chinese paper reported.
Wang Guiying is worried she is becoming a burden to her aging nieces and nephews since breaking her leg when she was 102 and had to stop doing chores like washing her clothes.
"I'm already 107 and I still haven't got married," the Chongqing Commercial Times quoted her saying. "What will happen if I don't hurry up and find a husband?"

Ok, so This article was more nightmarish than Amy Winehouse sunbathing in her bikini. I mean, seriously 107!! call me overdramatic but this has to send single girls chills down their spines!

In other news, I am working on the perfect single girl soundtrack for a night when you have a date with Merlot so stay tuned to that and keep reading, the fun has just begun!

"All my single ladies, all my single ladies"

Something Magical occurs when single ladies gather. It is almost as if we are connecting magnetic forces drawn to eachother or pieces of fabric woven together by one common thread-non commitment.

This weekend, some single ladies (and my bestie, the engaged one) went out to celebrate a friend's 27th birthday. We decided to keep it low key and went to paint pottery then dinner. The dynamics in conversation were almost night vs.day with those I had experienced weeks earlier with my coupled friends and I loved it!

However, as the night went on and we ranted about how "there are no single ladies for us to hang out with!" it struck me; In all of our social circles there are significant amounts of single ladies just itching to get out like us. Instead of wasting our time complaining, we should be celebrating our freedom and joining forces. So, in 2009 although it is already 12 days in, I vow to unite the single ladies in my social groups and create new memories to tell our children ( or maybe not tell them, depending on how embarassing it is!)

"Together or Separate?"

This weekend, while out to dinner with some friends for a birthday I experienced the often occuring case of "couple assumption", Let me explain.

I met up with some friends for dinner at a local restaurant and it just so happened that when I arrived a guy friend of mine was arriving too therefore we sat next to eachother, across from two pairs of couples. Shortly after an other couple arrived and sat next to us. Now my friend and I are purely platonic and there were no bad intentions in our seating arrangements ( besides the vomit inducing view of four googly eyed lovebirds in front of our faces) So, when our checks arrived, it was to my (shocking) surprise that our waitress had put both of our meals on one check. For a moment, I thought, " well, that means free meal for me" but then it hit me. Why is it automatically assumed that one is "together" with another if they happen to be in a crowd of couples? and Furthermore, does that bring out boyfriend/girlfriend behaviors in us to make others assume that??

Ultimately, we both laughed it off justifying the fact that she never asked our party of 12 who was together or separate for the split checks? and as for my free meal? well... all I can say is I left with a full tummy and empty wallet.

Missing the memo?

Hey Blogosphere!

Thought I'd start chroncling my single girl adventures and thoughts on being in this exclusive and elite yet open to everyone group in the World. So lets jump in:

Okay, my stats? 23, latina, college graduate, Television Advertising professional, 5'0 self diagnosed with the hard to cure disease constant singlitis and having bipolar feelings about that.

Now that you can understand me, or pretend to atleast, let me explain my recent frustrations.

In the past weeks I have found myself stuck in situations that used to be throughly entertaining becoming more painful as the time goes on. My best friend's wedding planning takes over her vocabulary sprinkled with her odd desires to get away and do things before her marriage ( side note: does that mean I'm locked in a cage if I get married??!) and although i'm a sucker for chick flicks I am getting a little irritated when the topic of conversations in groups of femmes is love. My other friend, in a new and blooming relationship is neck deep in the first months love trance. And thats a great thing because she really got something you only see in movies. I really wish them the best. It is so serious, however that today I got the icing on my bitter girl cupcake... the proposal is coming soon which I extremely happy about but also sent me into a tailspin of analytical thoughts.

Having been in one extra long Carrie and Big-esque relationship for the last 5 years could account for my severe bout in singleness. However, it escapes me how I am surrounded by the rarest cluster of 20something engaged and married girls in one group. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy for each and every one of them and they really have caught some great ones. But, is it really that necessary to marry that young? Some as young as 21? Maybe its just my distorted view that my career should be soaring before I commit or that I should get to know a variety of flavors in order to choose my favorite?


Whatever it is, I am trying desperately to get out of this bitter girl funk I am slowly venturing into. I think I've found the solution: lots of exercise, new shoes and a couple glasses of champagne but lets see how long that lasts...