I'll be your girl for all seasons...

I am starting to think my dating runs with the 4 seasons. It all started last summer (2008) with my summer fling extravaganza, which included 4 constant daters but, as the summer's heat simmered out to autumn's cool breeze so did my flings and the fall was spent plummeting like the stock market. However, when the holidays arrived, I got a few early christmas flings but they didn't make it to ring in the New Year.

That leads to 2009 which kick started with a candidate which I thought had potential but, has crashed head first into the  "just friends" wall. With each new blossoming  friendlationship I have attempted a new way to go about dating and this past fling was no different. But even after making more guarded decisions, as the Spring time bloomed, our relationship which was frozen at the "friendzone" melted to nothing. 

So it's spring time.. I am still trying to decide if I should be excited to see what Spring blooms or if I want to save up for a guy for all seasons. . . 

Do the benefits include health insurance?

" It's complicated" has to be the best relationship status option for Facebook. It can mean that maybe you are past the stage where you only see each other in groups but haven't gotten to the point where he/she is automatically your +1 at events. It could also be the ex boyfriend that you can't seem to end things with for the sake of the comfort he soothes your lonely soul. Whatever it is, " It's complicated" seems to remedy that question in the Facebook world.

So why does it not work in real life? Talking to a friend the other day brought up the question " Why can't people believe that two people of the opposite sex can be 'just friends'?"

The answer can be taken from the wise tale of When Harry met Sally starring the ever present romantic comedy star, Meg Ryan opposite funnyman Billy Crystal. The story line centers around two friends who meet and have an on again off again friendship before realizing they love each other. The predictable Hollywood story, however, is not too far from reality ( with the exception that they end up happily ever after).

Truth is that men and women can only be friends if two things are in play: A) there is NO attraction whatsoever (hard to decipher), B) The person is gay. Other than those two exceptions there is no platonic friendships between sexes because at one point, in one way or another someone will catch feelings.

In my case a short lived kindergarten crush with someone whom I thought would lead to a relationship crashed head first into the friend zone wall. Forget the fact that we talked on the phone very often and spent some time together. It was obvious that he wanted the famous title of "Friends with benefits" and that is not happening. Unless these benefits include health insurance, a company car and frequent flyer miles I'll pass. I'd rather be single with no prospects than stuck in a make believe relationship for the convenience of Mr. Benefits.

So to answer his question, the reason people can't believe that two sexes can be platonic friends is because in millions of cases we've fallen for the person who doesn't see us the same way, and as much as we try justifying it the truth still stands straight up in front of us, making sure we know that "just friends" translates to "He's just not that into you".

well, guess it's back to the cheese hunt

xox-S

Gourmet Cheese, Please!

Let's face it , dating is the most complicated rat maze ever. Leaves us wondering what is around the corner and whether we will end up with a processed piece of government cheese or a delicate piece of french Brie cheese or some delicious Gouda cheese.

Obviously, the better choice is a perfectly aged slice of gouda cheese, maybe some crackers and a glass of merlot so then, why are we settling for greasy processed cheese?!

One word can sum up the reason we are not enjoying in the gourmet cheese: Dealbreakers.

We, as daters, need a mental list of dealbreakers that separate the keepers from the others. A set of standards that are acheivable but not too lofty ( there's a very slim chance you will find a hot, rich, successful, sweet, romantic, loyal ,puppy loving, chick flick watching, shoe shopping afficionato unless he's gay). When making your mental note which you will file under " EXTREMELY IMPORTANT" do a self assessment of what matters to you most:

Are you a family-oriented person ? Do you want financial stability? Do you mind if he smokes?

Keep those standards close to your heart and don't let anything come close to making an exception. It may seem okay when you are falling head over heels with a guy that is amazing in every way except for his growing bank debt. In the end, those minor details you try to overlook will come back in a major way.

I challenge you to make a mental list and stick to it, watch how the way you select your "job applicants" changes and how the quality of the guys go up a knotch.

Keep searching for that cheese and hope its gourmet!

Sharing is caring?!...

A recent study showed that 60% of all married men cheat on their wives... which means out of my 10 friends married/engaged, 6 of their men will cheat on them..

boy, how encouraging, right?...

2009 has sparked a sociological alter ego in me. One who is entrigued by the styles of attraction of others. And boy, have I found some nutty cases.

Take my two girlfriends; both of which are having affairs with married men, both who are single and very qualified for her very own loving relationship.

The evolution of the mistress who often " was unaware her man was married" is now becoming the mistress who clearly knows the strip of pale skin on her beau's ring finger is not just "some birth mark" and goes out of her way to nab him with the hopes that he will " leave his wife" for her.

Think again. Doesn't it make sense that if he is already cheating on his significant other with you, he will play you the same deck of cards? And further more, will he EVER leave his wife? and what makes you think it'll be for you?

Lust and seduction are as enticing as the sweet smell of cinnamon that lingers from the Cinabon at the mall's food court. But, just like cinnamon buns, they have one thing in common.. ASS.

Pardon my vulgar term but, there's no other way to explain. You indulge in this sweet, forbidden dessert dripping in icing ( no pun, intended!) and then two weeks later you realize it.... your ass is the size of a mobile home! the same thing goes with lust and seduction. You indulge in the forbidden chase of catching that married man who tells you he's "having problems with his wife" and after months pass and he's still with her and you are still the booty call you realize it.... ASS.

Let's face it ladies ( and gentlemen) your married lover is already off limits. That parking space is already taken and even if you try rear-ending the car already in the space, you will not get your car in. You'll just end up with a crashed hood, a massive deductible payment and higher insurance premiums.

I know I may not be the Dr. Phil of dating but, I know common sense when I see it and there is no need for romantic comedy movies, self-help books or pop songs to clarify it anymore- Affairs with married men are a bad choice. As horrible as his current wife maybe, she is still his wife and until that is completely changed, there is still time and history invested in that.

Bikini season is right around the corner so next time you get tempted to.. eat that cinnamon bun.. remember how it goes to your ASS

xoxo -S

He loves me, he loves me not

Being a woman is tough work.

We've heard this time and time again; in movies, from our mothers and in the feminist empowerment section of our local Barnes and Noble.

We were given an amazing array of gifts from our Creator ranging from our perfectly timed week of hell ( also known as mensturation), the ability to push out a watermelon-sized human head from a quarter-sized elastic hole and of course, the most complex and over analytical dating style.

And so the story goes: Boy meets girl, girl likes boy's smile and says flirty comments to gain boy's attention. Boy returns the flirting and smiles back. Girl mentally begins analyzation if the full toothed smile means he's into her, or maybe a " I am really just a ladies man and I know it" smile. The analyzing begins.

It seeps into our every thoughts and clouds every interaction with that person, assuming the way he blinks secretly means some message we are missing out on. A message we all long for... that he is picturing your lives together as much as you are.

So.. when the signals are as varied as a bowl of chex mix at a house party, how can we analyze the next move to make? Do we give up on the concept that we can find every answer to our questions on our own? or do we take the stand of the man and let him do the dirty work for once. For him to start the guessing game, to wonder if we are into them?

As a current fighter in the battle of dating confusion, I could use all the amo possible.. post your comments below..