everyDate Lessons: 'Sole' Mates? (First Reader Submission)

 FIRST READER SUBMISSION!!!

Reader from NY

One reader shows us that some dating disasters aren't limited to episodes of Seinfeld or Sex and The City.

"So my friend wanted to do her 24th birthday at a club and friend hooked her up with a club promoter. He was a  guy who she communicated with only over the phone and via text. He seemed very polite and professional. He found her a cool spot in midtown [Manhattan] with a descent package and a few days after her birthday party he requested her friendship on facebook. 

She accepted. 

A few days later he sent her a text saying that he browsed through some of her photos and particularly liked some shots she took of her feet in very high-heeled stilettos. She didn't know whether to be flattered or freaked out. And then when she responded "Why did you like those photos?" he wrote that he had a "shoe fetish" and asked how old were a particular pair of shoes she photographed and if he could please hold on to them for a while. She asked why and he said because he really wanted to smell them. Most women would of been freaked out and automatically would of deleted his number, but she was so curious about his strange fetish she decided to stay in touch in order to find out more about his fetish (for research purposes). They had a few awkward conversations over the phone and one day he asked if she could take a picture of her feet in her oldest pair of heels. She sent him the picture through her phone and shortly after she received a picture of him smelling a pair of women heels, jerking off! She messaged him to never contact her again or she was going to file a restraining order. 

The end. 

MORAL OF THE STORY: Never give away your 'Soles" for Research purposes .

everyDate Lesson #5: Being "One of the Guys" doesn't always get the guy

It's been a while since my last post due to other writing assignments with my freelance gigs but, this topic seems to annoy me more and more as I get older (and hopefully wiser).

You all know that one girl ( or maybe it's you) that claims they "get along better with guys than girls" therefore they hang out with all guys and barely have girlfriends because " girls cause too much drama". These girls often boast at the fact that they are 'not like other girls' when in fact they are doing themselves a disservice.

Let's be real, ladies. Everyone needs same-sex bonding. I mean, no guy ( even if he's gay) will understand PMS to its core, know what it feels like to be heartbroken or cry with you when you are down. Why keep lying to yourself by surrounding yourselves with all guys who,by the way, do not think of you as date-worthy if you are included in their circle of trust? A guy who is romantically interested in you won't let you in on all the "guy code"

Befriend at least one girl who you feel you can trust and you will start reaping the rewards of same sex bonding. Truth is, if you can't get along with your same gender it may be something you are imposing on yourself rather than something caused by other girls.I am not encouraging you to join a sorority or change your identity but rather open yourself to the possibility of having girlfriends too.

Let's face it, biologically you are one of us. 

everyDate lesson #4: Don't expect the unexpected.

It happens to all of us.

We develop a crush on someone whom we assume feels the same electric shock of passion that we do. 

But they don't.

It isn't until our hearts crumble like a dried out chocolate chip cookie that we realize we were in a Mono-lationship aka the only one in the relationship. So, when do you let the expectations taught to us by romantic comedies, fiction love stories and other's experiences play a role in your relationship? 

I have learned three vital things through the tap dance recitals on my heart since my younger years:

1. Unless he/she lets you know they are in it to win it, they really aren't into you ( as cliche as it sounds)

2. Most people do not leave their emotional baggage behind so easily. If there is baggage, expect to help them carry it.   

3. There really are plenty of fish in the oil-polluted sea.Grab your rod (no pun intended) and start fishing

Photo thanks to: www.smellslikehollywood.tumblr.com

everyDATE Lesson #3: Also Known As AWKWARD

Once upon a date... or two...or five dates (you get the point!), One of my girlfriends and I have special nicknames that we adopt while we are out partying to avoid the creepy Facebook Friend request from guys we determine are not that cute. It all started last summer ( 2009) and it has worked fabulously well...except this one time. I was at a lounge I frequent often with some of the girls, including  my fellow alias user who, for the sake of remaining anonymous we will call Andrea. There we were, dancing and having a great time. After a while, Andrea and I decided to go into the middle of the dance floor as usual and while we were there, we were approached by two grenades. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with the reality show,  Jersey Shore ( trust me, it's a guilty pleasure!), a grenade is a not so cute guy or girl who tries to hit on you.  Andrea and I are known to be friendly and outgoing girls so we don't necessarily turn down the guys... we just tell them our fake names. One of the guys, balding and reeking of Old Spice and Corona beers, decides to attempt a conversation while we dance to a Merengue song ( we are at Latin night). 

Old Spice: " So Betty (clearly NOT my real fake name, gotta protect my identity), are you from around here?"

 Me ( as Betty): "No, I'm actually here on vacation from Chicago"

Old Spice: "Oh, too bad...when do you leave?"

Me: "Tomorrow, actually. This is our last night out"

Old Spice: " Aw, that's too bad! Hope you had a great vacation."

Me: " Yes I did, thank you!"

A couple songs later, Andrea and I escaped the grip of the creepy men and headed home.

Two Weeks Later...

I go back to the same lounge to meet up another girlfriend for a quick martini and catch up on life. This time, it is a mellow night so we decide to sit out on the patio by the bar. As we are sitting there, talking about our lives and catching up I start to feel as if someone is staring at me from across the bar. I don't know if you've ever had the feeling but it is an eerie chill that you feel. Unsuspecting I glance to my right and the coast is clear-just cougars and sugar daddies flirting over martinis. Relieved, I glance to my left and THERE HE IS! Baldy Old Spice!! Sitting merely 4 people away from me, staring right at me! his head shaking in disappointment. At this point, I have no idea how to react, Should I acknowledge his existence there, pretend I don't see him or just walk away? I text message my friend sitting next to me to grab the check and meet me by the bathroom and an explanation will come shortly and I head to the bathroom. I try to slither through the crowd as swiftly as possible and when I finally get to the bathroom at the end of the hall I walk in like I've been holding it in for an entire roadtrip. Minutes later, I figure the coast is clear so I decide to wait for my friend outside the bathrooms, I pull the door open with a sigh of victory and right before my eyes is Old Spice himself, walking out of the Men's room directly across from me! What are the odds?!

Old Spice: " Betty... back for another vacation?" ( clearly, he's not convinced)

Me: " Yea, my job has offices here, I come often."

Before he can reply, I walk away and disappear into the crowd.

and Old Spice was never dated by me again.

MORAL OF  THE STORY: Never use fake names or identities in places you go to often. More than likely you will run into the same guy twice.

           

BREAKING NEWS: Proposition 8 overturned! Gay Marriage now legal in California

Less than an hour ago, a Federal Judge Vaughn Walker ruled that proposition 8 which ruled against gay marriage in California was unconstitutional thus making it legal for same sex marriage in California.

I'm overjoyed! why?  (cue debate sequence)


For starters, it is nearly impossible for someone to sympathize with homosexuality unless they know and love someone who is homosexual themselves. One of the people whom I consider my soul mate ( minus the mating) is gay and I wouldn't want it any other way.

                               (mine and my bestie's TV counterparts... Jack and Karen on Will &Grace)

In my humble opinion, I believe that people live and die by their own decisions. Therefore, if you're gay, straight, buddist, christian etc... you reap the benefits and consequences of your lifestyle.

Secondly, some of the most monogamous and fulfilling relationships I've observed have been same-sex. NO, just because you are gay does not mean you are a promiscuous hoe sleeping around. Take Ellen DeGeneres for example, her and Anne Heche were together for a while and now her and Portia Di Rossi lead what seems to be a pretty stable married life (so it seems) 

Where am I getting with this?

Kudos to Vaughn Walker for finally putting an end to all this regression happening in congress ( Arizona immigration laws, anyone!?). Hooray for all those in same sex relationships who have been together for 20, 30+ years and can finally have a real wedding! and if you don't agree with me, it's ok.

Public Opinion is free to roam rampant in our society... however, forcing any public opinion on unwilling people is not right. it's facism.


ok, my rant is over. Thanks for reading :)

The Fancy Boy

props to www.alittlefragile.tumblr.com for making this screenshot/dialogue that fits perfectly with everyDate lesson #1

everyDATE lesson #2: Google before you Yahoo!

Once upon a date... I met a terrific dancer while out for a friend's family party at a lounge. After dancing to spanish music all night, we exchanged numbers and before I even got home he was texting me flirty comments. Since he was my friend's cousin, I continued to text him throughout the day before doing my typical google investigation ( anyone can be a sex offender these days!). After a day and half of texting the common 'interview questions' I decided to google him to see what came up. I came across his Facebook page and clicked to make sure it was his page. Sure enough it was his page, There he was, holding a newborn baby, next to HIS WIFE.  The next time he texted me it said : "Hey, what are you doing later on? To which I replied, " Going to the movies with friends, you should come... invite your wife and new baby."

and the Hiding husband was never dated by me again.

Moral of the story: Always Google search your potential dates... you never know if they are sex offenders or worse- ALREADY MARRIED!

everyDATE Lessons #1: Never share Makeup!

*names and situations have been changed to avoid getting sued 

Once upon a date... I was asked out by a charming musician whom I had not known for too long. On the night of our date, I was pleased to see that he arrived promptly, dressed in a quite fashionable ensemble. Although at first sight it seemed slightly too metrosexual for me, I decided to put my critical thoughts to rest and enjoy the night. After a wonderful sushi dinner, interesting conversation about musical influences and ourselves we headed to a lounge to hear some live music while sipping on red wine. Three glasses of Pinot Noir later, it was time to pay the bill and call it a night. When the check arrived, my date decided it was the perfect time to empty his pockets of every lint, coin and receipt that resided in his skinny jean pockets. At first I was confused as to why he couldn't merely pull out his debit card without unloading his 'junk drawer' from his pockets onto our table. But, before I could say anything-I saw it-

A clear tube of glitter lip gloss

sitting amidst the rubble and trash, glistening in the dim lights like liquid diamonds. At first, I thought Does he think showing me his 'pimp status' is impressive? so, jokingly I asked " Is that your lipgloss?" to which he replied proudly. " Yes, I love my lips to look shiny."

My face, unimpressed, remained paralyzed for a few seconds while my brain's neurons scrambled to make sense of the situation. Before my brain could provide a well developed answer I blurted out, "Are you bi-sexual?" That didn't mull over too well, his face, which was by now as offended as mine was did not flinch as he answered me a stark "NO"

15 minutes of awkward driving later, we arrived at my apt and bid each other farewell with the false promises of "hanging out again" and the makeup-toting musician was never dated by me again.

MORAL OF THE STORY: 

If his lipgloss has more glitter than yours, let him sparkle on his own. Never loan a boyfriend your makeup.

New Series!!

"Dating Myself" may be over but, the Single Digits blog lives on.

I decided it was time to share my dating disasters and the lessons I've learned along the way. But, I don't want to just share mine, this is open for all readers! Please send me your stories to my email- shelikabaez@gmail.com  with the subject: everyDATE lessons and I promise to make it anonymous and will use your true story to teach a dating lesson. Ever wonder where sitcom writers get their crazy plot lines? My life! Names will be changed for legal purposes (let's face it: I don't have money to be sued) but the crazy antics will be there for all to read and learn from. I will try to post the new stories three times a week for the hungry readers so, SEND ME YOUR STORIES!! I know you've all had atleast one dating disaster that can teach a lesson to others. e-mail it to me in all the gritty details and I'll craft it into a short and sweet train wreck. 

Sit back, and stay tuned!

May you have less Ex's than "Oh!"s

*S